Every Friday we’ll pick a theme and then five things (hence the name! We’re so original!!!!!) that fit that theme. Feel free to make your own choices in the comments, or send them to us on Twitter. This week I’m flying solo, discussing all the things I’ve been feeling guilty about lately.
If you’ve been keeping up with me via Twitter or this blog, you know that I had been making some lifestyle changes to get healthier. Well, in the last few months I’ve fallen right off the wagon. I’ve reverted back to my old habits, including overeating. The problem with my brain (and a lot of other brains, I know; we are not alone) is that once I start making bad decisions I can’t seem to stop. It triggers that spiral: make a bad decision, feel bad about it, self-medicate with another bad decision … that cycle! Why is it so intoxicating?
The amount of words I’ve written in the past few years is shameful (in my opinion). I’m down to posting like one fic a year. At the end of 2016 I told myself I was going to post a fic a month in 2017, whether they were long or short or just for me or based on prompts, just to post something. It’s June. I’ve posted one fic. *facepalm* I scribble some words in a notebook now and then, when I get that itch, but I haven’t been able to finish anything, or really devote any time to really writing, in so long. I’m not myself when I’m not writing, y’all.
I cannot possibly convey the amount of guilt I feel for neglecting this site. It has meant so much to me since we started it, it has given me such great opportunities, and I haven’t put nearly the amount of effort into it as I should be. As I want to be. I struggle with what to write, with how to make it the community it was in the beginning, that we still want it to be. Posting just for the sake of posting doesn’t work for me, but creating quality content doesn’t seem to be either. I really need to clear some headspace to devote to figuring this out, because I don’t want to let the site languish at all. (Thank goodness Mel joined up and refuses to let it die! Heh.)
I have been so lazy lately. I had the flu earlier this year and haven’t gone back to running since then. I think every day about how I should throw on a workout DVD or do some yoga and then I … don’t. Instead I come home from work (where I sit down all day) and get into bed to read and basically never get back up. It’s not good. I was in fairly good shape last summer (at least better than I’d been in a while) and I could tell how much more I enjoyed the season because of it. I don’t want to feel gross all this summer. Re-downloading the Couch to 5K app would probably be a good place to start. Maybe I’ll do that. Tomorrow.
Okay, so my house never looks like this one. But I definitely let it get pretty bad, when it wouldn’t take much effort to keep it tidy. I don’t have a lot of space, so why can’t I push a broom around for a few minutes every week? Why can’t I wash dishes as I use them? WHY IS ADULTING SO MUCH WORK. I just did a deep clean of my place, and I feel so good being in it. Why can’t I remember this feeling when the clutter starts piling up? Ugh.